addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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