So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize