I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
