I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
