she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize