Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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