you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
