Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
