She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just high enough for therapy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
