it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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