I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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