The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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