cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
