Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
