I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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