it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
