glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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