Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
