p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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