u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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