Fuck appropriateness.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
