ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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