If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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