Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
