I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
