I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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