why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
