Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
