the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
