oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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