In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
