So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
