I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
