around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
