Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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