dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
