every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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