ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
