I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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