and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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