Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
