haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
