dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
