haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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