My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
