My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
