this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
