remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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