It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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