When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
