yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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