Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
