you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
