Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
