happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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