Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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