dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
