I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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