I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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