Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
