I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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