the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
