drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize