I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
