Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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