I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love you. Go after that dick
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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