I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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