I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
