Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
