The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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