when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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