Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
