They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
