Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
